Cruising for cleavage

 Six months ago I published a blog in an attempt to activate a Google Ad sense account.  Well, since then I received the following email.

At least they came straight to the point and didn't waffle on the way they expect me to.

I have now accepted that I will not be making money from this source of revenue in the foreseeable future. Nevertheless, since our civilisation is built on a foundation of advertising, I remain as fascinated as ever when it comes to how it all works in the modern age.

The vast majority of internet users realise that having the occasional ad on a webpage is all part of the trade-off for a free service. Most ads are easy to ignore anyway, and on the rare occasions whenever I click on one, it is because of an inadvertent slip of the thumb on an iPad touch screen. However, no sooner as that happens, the profiling algorithms residing inside the distant servers of Mordor (or more likely in a forest in Eastern Finland) begin to stir and send similar ads to every site I  visit.  

And then there are those keyword Google searches that are picked up and used to further tweak a person’s profile.  Do a search for a holiday destination and ads for local car hire agencies and restaurants start to pop up immediately. In this respect, however, I really think I need to help Google by pointing out that I personally use search engines in my editing/teaching work to solve a plethora of problems not at all related to my personality or spending habits.

For example, on Monday I wanted to find out more about the word scrubber. Now in British English, the term scrubber refers to a female tramp who would satisfy a male's needs without a second thought. You can already hear the clicking of the algorithms on those distant servers, can’t you! Now in my case scrubber was actually referring to cleaning equipment on board ships.  

On Tuesday I wanted to check out the word cleavage. Google imagined that I was referring to the intermammary sulcus or, in layman’s terms, the space between a woman’s breasts. In my case, however, it was all to do with the division of voters into voting blocs.

Now on Wednesday I wanted to find out about cruising. Unfortunately based on Monday and Tuesday's keyword searches, Google decided that what I really wanted was to pick up someone for some gay fun; which probably explains why the following ads have regularly been turning up in my browser since last Thursday.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I have got absolutely nothing against people going on gay holidays, just as long as it isn't me.  However, the one thing I have noticed with this type of ad is that it certainly manages to cause some very awkward silences when it flashes on a big screen in a classroom full of marine engineers about to watch a YouTube clip on English grammar.